obsessed with the idea of what home is, they say home is where the heart is, is that why i’m always on the run? i was born from nomads— no matter what, it’s in my blood, i can’t stay.

i wish i was a more excitable girl, not dwelling within the deepest depths of my dark mind, where the weak and wonderless lay. i am always wishing to be much more than i am, yet begging to make this heart smaller; i feel too deep and embrace too lightly, nothing is ever fully in my grasp, it slips from my hands all too easily and i am left back here again, wandering and breathless, i am exhausted of myself,…

i’m not who i once was; dedicated. flirtatious. inspiring. i’ve shrunk myself back down, small enough to disappear. small enough to be forgotten. the rage within me is swelling and i am overwhelming my need to be loved. i feel like a motherless child, begging for mercy, longing to be held. i blame myself for the inadequacy, as if you’re perfect yourself. i’m a blue screen—a void. you’re a green screen—endless possibilities. i guess that’s all we’ll ever be, colours…

beneath the sheer veil of moonlight, countless thoughts flooded my consciousness and fluttered away as quickly as they came. perhaps it wasn’t a strange dream after all and just an evolution of synchronicities aligning within. and if i was then, living in the now, i wouldn’t know any less or anymore than i do in this moment.

i only write for you. i found your grin within every consonant, your laugh within every vowel. i cried into those pages, hours of self depreciation hidden behind each period. “HERE I AM, I CAN LOVE YOU IF YOU LET ME” my pen shouted, did you hear it as you read the sentences out loud? maybe if i drew picture books you would’ve stayed a bit longer to admire my words. i created affirmations of love as i crossed my…

i want to go on date nights, live music and going to the theatre. living in the suburbs, driving an suv that takes my children to practice, the kind i can afford the payments for. i wouldn’t be in line at the grocery store debating if i should put the bread or bananas back, instead i’d come home and toss my keys on the kitchen island and pour a glass of wine—because i could drink a single glass, instead of…

to be loved by you felt like silenced, autumn mornings; dew drops slipping from the sharp swords of grass, breathing out dragon fire—i was completely inebriated with nostalgia. you petrify my bones, i am still when you are around. you are the first piercing newborn breath—debilitating for only a moment, yet needed for eternity. a sweet and simple self sacrifice. i am routine, you are change. it’s comforting to be me, while loving you was a thrill i longed for.…

i have so much to think about do you stare at your feet does it hurt to look at the sky no where to go no one to be i have so much to think about does it get lonely do you accept your defeat no where to go no one to be i have so much to think aboutdo you think it counted as goodbye does it pass the time no where to go no one to be i…

in the garden of edeni am the forbidden fruittoo ripe, rotten, soft too bitter to be sweetenedhushed, silenced, mutescorned at any cost begged by merciless powerdestroyed by tendernessonly to be reborn bound to sinobedientforgiven the world perished at my tasterejoicing in eternal epiphanies how powerful it is to bewoman

i tasted love once; it left a bitter aftertaste on my tongue. scorched and tender, my gums bled. an invisible sore began to grow, and day after day i picked at it; it never had the time to heal. often times i tore it wide open, allowed any type of parasite to wonder through, they especially liked the warmth my wounds had to offer. quietly cushioned between my trauma and their own misunderstanding, they found comfort and solitude.